When our prayers are not answered

Last week we asked ourselves the question, “Do our prayers possess the potential to actually change God’s mind?” In seeking to answer this question, we examined Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane as he wrestled with God: "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." What we saw from this was that, while God remains all-powerful, he has intentionally limited himself when it comes to answering prayers that would grant us comfort in the heat of the present moment, but which would defeat his intention to bless us in far greater ways in the long run.  We therefore arrived at the conclusion that prayer does not change God. Today, we continue our exploration of prayer by asking yet another question: “If prayers do not change God’s intentions, then what is the purpose of praying?” For some possible answers, let’s turn our attention to our text for the morning – James 4.

James is actually Jesus’ brother, who had become a prominent leader in the early church. He closes the previous chapter by pointing out that the wise person is a peace-loving person. “…the wisdom that comes from heaven,” he says “is first of all pure; then peace-loving…” (3:17 a). But now, in the face of the glaring reality of the strife that was present in the church to which he was writing, he begins chapter 4 by asking the age-old question: "What causes fights and quarrels among you?" Why are there so many churches torn apart by division? Why are there such bitter feuds among Christians? Why the fussing and fighting among God’s people? The answer, according to James, is that we are always striving to outdo others; always wanting to have our own way, even if it hurts somebody else. These passions – lust for power, popularity, and authority – have caused the wars and fighting within the ranks of the members of the church.^[i] Here, James is speaking, not of an imaginary church, but of a real church – a real group of people embroiled in a real conflict!

These were people living out their inner divisions in a society that was itself being torn apart by strife and discord. It is a sad commentary on human nature when personal conflicts lie unresolved or boil over into distressing conditions; worse yet is when these bitter conflicts spill over into antisocial behavior and troublemaking in community relationships.^[ii]

Notice the strong military-type language and imagery James uses in v 1: “fights,” “quarrels,” “battle.” He wanted believers to know that destruction is just as real in the church as on any battlefield, that their words, unfittingly spoken, caused great damage and destruction – just as a sword or bullet.

But lest we begin to think that this distressing condition is descriptive only of the Christians to whom James originally addressed this letter, let us remember that we are more alike than different from the people found in the pages of Scripture. It seems that the potential for discord is found in every generation. It has been felt in our everyday life and relationships. Today we live in a world that has created a value system in which our identity is constructed by our accomplishments and our possessions; a system in which ‘to be’ means ‘to have,’ and to have more therefore means to be more; a system “that is aimed directly at generating ‘a certain sorrow’ when someone has something that one does not have, together with the desire to do anything to acquire that which is sought. [iii] Regrettably, this worldview has crept into the church and has corrupted much of our thinking.

But the logic that envy leads to strife spirals beyond the home turf of the local church; it goes all the way into the highest reaches of society. Indeed, “it is the engine which generates global conflict and war. Why, asks James, are there wars and battles among you? It is because of envy, because of the craving—not only in individuals but also in corporations and nations – that demands seizing what belongs to another in order that one might become greater.”[iv] Here then is the source of the bickering and strife among believers: It comes from the desire for more, and from jealousy. The wars among us are caused by the wars within us.

Prayer is the right approach to this problem. “Don’t argue. Don’t fight. Pray,” James says. Indeed, prayer is at the heart of the Christian life. If not the greatest, it is certainly one of the greatest privileges given us as Christians. We all pray, and we pray because it is a part of our native endowment. Prayer is perhaps the deepest impulse of the human soul.

Prayer is related to our search for meaning, our longing for relationship, and our need to grow. Prayer, however practiced, is an expression of our hunger for God. This hunger is a part of who we are. Augustine’s words are more than a pious cliché: “For thee were we made, O God, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee.”

The truth is, we will always be restless, always know the hunger, always striving after more, because our resting in God is always of limited duration, since we are always moving in and out of a trustful relationship with God. We are sinners who too often prefer our way to God’s way. Our pride does not allow us to be totally dependent on God. Even though we experience rest and meaning, purpose and joy in times of yielding to God’s will and way for our life, something within us, our bent to sin and to be self-reliant, keeps pulling us away from that state of “yieldedness” and trustful relationship with God. That is the reason a big part of prayer is dealing with our prideful self and our warring passions. James, therefore, couldn’t have been more correct when he said, “You do not have, because you do not ask God.” For James, prayer is the antidote for the Godless spirit of rivalry and contention that is ruining the fellowship, not only in the church to which he wrote, but in every church today in which rancor and discontent are the defining characteristics.

But, instead of exercising our great privilege by taking our desires to the Lord in prayer, we often try to get what we want by our own efforts. As the songwriter reminds us: “O what peace we often forfeit; O what needless pains we bear; All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.” If we want something which we do not have, we should ask God for it.

But even when his readers did ask, their prayers went unanswered. “When you ask,” James writes in v 3, “you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives.” Knowing that some of his readers would probably have objected to his exhortation to pray, claiming that when they did, they did not receive what they had asked for, James responds by suggesting that they were praying, either for the wrong things, or with the wrong motives. Instead of praying for their personal gratification, they should have been praying for God’s will to be done in their lives.

Let's be honest. Most of the time our prayers tend to revolve around personal concerns for safety, pleasure, and success. "Lord, take care of us today”; “Lord, grant me success this day”; “Lord, remove this difficulty from my path.” These are fine prayers, but it is hardly the sum of what God desires for us. We may wish happiness to arrive as soon as possible at the least personal expense. But the Son of God didn't come to make us merely happy. He came to make us like himself – and identifying with Christ is never achieved apart from suffering!

Often the reason God does not supply what a person prays for is simply that God knows it would not bring any long-term benefits to that person. God is so amazingly committed to our good that prayers for what God knows is ultimately misguided or pathetic or dangerous stand no chance of being answered. Under such circumstances God is not obliged to answer our prayers in the affirmative. That's grace. God will not act in ways that are contrary to his will, even if he is besieged by fervent prayers. Anytime we seek to further our personal interests through prayer, we are asking “with wrong motives.” In prayer, God does not bow to our will; instead we submit to his good will for our lives,^[v] for he is able to see far beyond the range of our own wisdom.

An aeroplane pilot was following a major highway and observing the traffic bellow. One particular car caught his attention. The driver was attempting to pass a large truck, but because of oncoming traffic and no-passing zones, he was not about to overtake safely. Over and over again, just as he would pull out, an oncoming vehicle would force him to retreat. The pilot, being able to see several miles down the highway, thought to himself, “if only I could talk to the driver, I could tell him when and where it is safe to pass.”

God, of course, is the ultimate Pilot and his perfect knowledge is exactly what we need to guide our life. Prayer is how we talk to God and as we learn to listen to his responses, we will find the guidance we seek.

We may picture a Plan A in our minds, and cry out to God to make it happen, but God has envisioned a Plan B – perhaps one that we cannot yet understand – that is infinitely more strategic. It is impossible for God to give up on Plan B just because Plan A would get us out of a lot of trouble today.[vi] 

And so, we see from the writings of James that God sometimes does not answer our prayers when our prayers are misguided – i.e., when we pray for the wrong things or with the wrong motives. Theological lecturer, Dr. Howard Hendricks, tells of the time when he was a young man, before he was married. He was very much aware that certain mothers had set their eyes on him on behalf of their daughters. One mother even said to him one day, “Howard, I just want you to know that I’m praying that you’ll by my son-in-law.”

Dr. Hendricks would always stop at this point in the story and say, in the most solemn manner, “Have you ever thanked God for unanswered prayers?” Indeed we should, for "(s)ome of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" (Garth Brooks). They serve as a gauge that alerts us to the possibility that our prayers are amiss, and it allows us to correct our prayer life to conform to God’s will.