Church as a Promise-making Community

Did you know that a rope has greater strength than the combined individual strength of the strands that make it up? Why do you think this is so? The answer is quite simple. Individual strands have weak spots along them, points at which they easily break. But in a rope, the weak spots are randomly distributed along the length of the rope and the twist in the rope allows the surrounding strands to cancel out the weak spots of the individual fibres.

It’s the same with people. We all have strengths and weaknesses. On our own our weaknesses can easily break us, but together, in community, we are able to offset our individual weaknesses with the strength of others, and to offset the weaknesses of others with our strengths, so as to achieve greater strength for all[1] - that’s called synergy!

This is the point of our text from the book of Ecclesiastes – that, just as a rope made with three individual strands twisted together is stronger than a rope with only one or even two strands, so are individuals  living together in community stronger that those who seek to live their lives as “lone rangers,” and as “social solitaries.”

The unknown writer of this book re-enforces this point by drawing on three everyday examples of the advantages of being in relationship with others – assistance in distress, comfort, and security. In the first example, we see two travellers on a journey together. On their way, one of them looses his balance and falls, but happily, his companion is there to help him to his feet. But woe to the loner who falls, for there is no one to help him up, and the outcome of such a situation could prove disastrous.

In December 2000 a German woman living in the city of Marburg , died while at home in her flat. Ten months later her landlord forced open the door to the flat, concerned that she had not paid any rent for as long a time. It was only then that her body was discovered. It seems the woman had lost contact with her relatives and had few friends, or even concerned neighbours.

But this is not an isolated incident. regularly has cases where a body is not discovered until weeks, months or even years after the person has died. In one case, a man from Hamburg sat dead in his sofa in front of his television for five years before he was found! Isn’t it tragic that persons die in this way because there is no one else around to render assistance in a time of distress?[2]

The second example from our text takes us to the desert regions of the Middle East where night-time temperatures are extremely chilling. Here, we see the loner continually moving about in a futile attempt to stay warm; a situation in which two people together are able to rest comfortably through the night. Admittedly, someone could counter this argument by mentioning the annoyance caused by the partner who has cold feet or who hogs the covers, or by mentioning the superior controlled heat that comes from an electric blanket. But the point remains that there are advantages that come from relationships with others that cannot possibly be experienced by someone who lives in isolation.^[3]

In the third and final example, we see the loner being easily overpowered by robbers; a situation in which two are often able to successfully defend themselves. Hence, in the ancient world, many people travelled in clusters rather than going alone.[4]

Following on from this, the prophet, in Amos 3:3 asks a rhetorical question: “Do two walk together unless they have agreed?” (NAB). In other words, “Is it normal for two people to walk together without agreeing to do so?” Of course not! Two people walking side by side would certainly not be doing so out of sheer coincidence, but out of a shared commitment to walk in the same direction!

That’s what relationships are all about – a commitment to a shared vision and a common purpose; a commitment that expresses itself in loving, accepting, forgiving, encouraging, serving, supporting, and challenging one another, and; in becoming open and vulnerable to one another. But this depth of relationship doesn’t just happen all by itself; it starts to happen only as we begin to express our commitment to one another in the promises we make to one another – this is what makes us into a family!

Craig Dykstra, former Professor of Christian Education at Princeton Theological Seminary in the , says; “Families are people who make promises to each other. When we see what those promises are,” he says, “we see what a family is.”[5] We become a family of Christian believers when the promises we make in our personal relationships within the church are made a part of our wider Christian promises. Promises to love and be loved by one another; promises to serve and be served by one another; promises to know and be known by one another, and; promises to celebrate and be celebrated by one another. In this way we begin to experience genuine fellowship with one another because we are now able to think of each member as a brother or sister, with all the privileges and responsibilities that come with such relationships.

So you see, a family exists because of the mutual commitment between its members, and “(i)f the church is mostly made up of people who have a very sloppy understanding of commitment, those people will have neglectful relationships…and a shallow engagement with other church members.”[6]

One of the more bizarre news stories that appeared at the turn of the century was of a man who married his TV set. Yes, you heard me – he married his TV set. At the time 42 year old Mitch Hallen was an Australian living in who had already been divorced twice. On Valentine’s Day in 2001 he married his Sony Widescreen in a ceremony that was actually presided over by a priest and witnessed by a dozen friends! Hallen took his vows of "high fidelity" and put matching gold rings on top of the TV.

Why marry his TV? Hallen claimed that after two divorces and failed romances he had given up on women. "My TV gives me countless hours of pleasure,” he says, “without fussing, fighting or backchat"

It’s a sad story, but in one sense we can agree with Mitch. Relationships with people are more difficult that sitting in front of the TV. They require commitment, forgiveness, flexibility and a willingness to make allowances for each others weaknesses[7] – qualities that are sadly lacking in a world that is “longing to believe that there are groups of men and women whose commitment to one another transcends materialism, competitiveness, and individualism.”[8]

Today, the “adhesive of Christian consensus (that held our communities together) has been ripped away, resulting in a loss of commitment and accountability to one another.” [9]  We live in a society where the sense of connection and community is breaking down. “Individuals find themselves lonely and isolated in their neighbourhoods, jobs, even in their churches. Homes and workplaces may be side-by-side, but the people in them are strangers. They neither touch nor share their feelings or thoughts about the ‘real stuff’ of life”…We have lost our sense of community…In our competitive pursuit of personal peace and prosperity, there is little room for simple, friendly relationships…We need a restoration of the distinctive mark of love for one another which characterized the first century church. Lost is the cohesive power of breaking bread and sharing fellowship around our common heritage in Jesus Christ. The privitization and isolation of our lives from other Christians…is one of our most urgent problems.”[10]

Our lack of community is most regrettable in the church, which, instead of being a shelter for lonely, alienated people, has frequently done more to push people away instead. I find it rather telling that many of those who have left the church have actually said that the church ought to be more accepting and relational. You see, the church isn’t just a place where worship, preaching, teaching, and discipleship take place; it is also a healing community where people can form relationships that are built on unconditional commitment.

Bob and Margaret, a Christian couple, found a lack of true community in the two churches to which they had belonged for a period of over 20 years. They described their experiences in these churches as "love with strings attached," given to them only if they were regarded as "committed."

The church, as the Body of Christ, must be able to provide models for life-long and unconditional commitments that will demonstrate God’s grace and power in building a caring community out of people who are hurting and isolated in a world of broken promises; a world in which long-term commitments of any kind are discouraged. As one young woman once said, “I have a problem with (the) use of the word commitment. That sounds very binding and restricting”!

Yes it is! But so is the foundation of a house – it’s the kind of restriction that keeps the whole thing from falling apart! And so, it is as each one of us takes the initiative to develop long-term commitments to one another that the quality of our relationships will begin to be transformed. We will discover that we don’t need to carry our anxieties alone any longer for here are friends who know how to bear one another’s burden. And we will also discover that others, who had previously been alienated from the church and starved of meaningful relationships, will come to see the gospel lived out in the lives of ordinary people like themselves. As Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (NRSV).